Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
