dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
