I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
