Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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