I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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