Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
