He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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