2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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