Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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