He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The adults are the big ones right?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
