Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
