i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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