I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He passed out mid-signature
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
