Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
