i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
