I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
