did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
