I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
