sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just gargled with NyQuil
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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