I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
