guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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