i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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