You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
