i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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