yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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