he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
