Sponge bath it is.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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