those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
