Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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