Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
