At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
