i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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