but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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