and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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