she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
