Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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