i jhust puked up my retainher.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
