I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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