i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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