high people should be assigned attendants
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
