Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
