If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
