ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
