I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
