the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
