I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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