So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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