Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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