So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
