She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
