I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
