I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I touched a dick in church today
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
