He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
