i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
